suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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