I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Found your dick twin last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
