i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
