I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
