She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
