God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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