Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
