OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize