I want to have your abortion
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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