Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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