Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
two words: eviction party
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
