Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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