Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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