I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
