I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
