Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
