So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
