I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
