fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
