Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
