I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need to calm my uterus...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize