i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
