Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
