it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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