I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
