he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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