you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My balls are so social today.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
