if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
