accomplished twins. life is a go
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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