i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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