I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
