I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
