I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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