I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
