you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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