I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
