He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
