idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
