can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
