Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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