So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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