ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
