A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
wow bdsm is so cute
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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