I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
