id be glad to
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
