First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize