theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
sick fucks of a feather flock together
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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