I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
