Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
