Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
