A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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