His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
