Can i not drive my cunt home
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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