mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize