the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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