Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
