if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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