And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
