He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
