I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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