It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
