Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Houston, we have a blender
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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