And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
