I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
