I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
